


Mariposas

by DreamingOf4A



Series: The bitter side of bittersweet [3]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, M/M, NO character deaths, Otonal, Revolution on Ice Tour 2019, Unrequited Love, origin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 11:13:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22608655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingOf4A/pseuds/DreamingOf4A
Summary: Son mariposas, sólo se posanHan decidido que no quieren volarThey're butterflies, they only perchThey've decided they no longer want to fly(Taburete - Mariposas)
Relationships: Javier Fernández & Yuzuru Hanyu, Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Series: The bitter side of bittersweet [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1037855
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Mariposas

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this after watching Javi's collaboration with Taburete again. From the first time I heard the song, at ROI, the 'mariposas' caught my attention, because of the butterflies on Yuzu's Origin costume. Then, looking up the rest of the lyrics, the crying over flags was also an eyebrow raiser. Now, realistically, I'm sure it's a coincidence, but as a Yuzu&Javi fan and writer, I had to run with it. However, it totally ran with me, instead, and it became something else entirely. It's short, but I honestly cried the whole time writing it. But in a way, it felt right to do so, especially after Ballade's triumphant return yesterday.
> 
> As a heads' up, my Spanish is limited to stuff I learned from music and soap operas, so the lyrics translations is mostly from this: https://www.musixmatch.com/es/letras/Taburete/Mariposas/traduccion/ingles
> 
> Javi's skate, if you haven't seen it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SayuPUZMfg8

_Disclaimer: This story is fiction and does not in any way reflect on the real life people that share their names with these characters. It is also not intended to offend or disrespect and it exists simply because I find it really interesting to imagine how other people - potentially - live their lives._

It was past midnight,but Yuzu was sitting up in bed, holding on to his macbook as if his life depended on it. 

Hot tears were streaming down his face.

On his screen, a slim figure in black pants, white tanktop and a billowy pink and purple shirt was flying across the ice with more passion and seriousness than he'd done in many of his competitive programs.

The song playing was in Spanish, but Yuzu had already looked up the lyrics and their translation.

It was why he was crying.

It wasn't just that he was missing Javi more than he'd ever missed anyone or anything before.

_ Que ya no lloro por banderas más _

_ Que no me canso de quererte soledad _

_ Que no me digan que juego con el tiempo _

_ Para volver atrás _

He choked on a sob. It felt almost like the song - or at least this chorus - was written for him. About him.

And  _ mariposas _ … Javi had even commented on the butterflies on his Origin costume when he'd last come to Toronto.

He knew Javi skating to this song couldn't possibly be about him. He wasn't delusional. Even if Javi was now aware Yuzu was more attached to him than he'd probably believed before, there was no way he was aware of Yuzuru's true feelings.

He hid his not so platonic feelings for his former training partner under the mask of a special friendship. He believed it was a good cover and true as well.

_ Son mariposas, sólo se posan _

_ Han decidido que no quieren volar _

His own butterflies had decided they no longer wanted to fly. Not that Javi could possibly know that. Nobody knew it except Yuzu himself.

He put a palm over his mouth to stifle another sob, as he looked at his closet in the darkness. Hanging against the door, freshly cleaned, were his two costumes. 

The blue Otonal shone a bit in the minimum light, but Origin was dark and silent and Yuzuru felt like it was a sentient being watching him with disappointment and resentment.

"ごめん...ごめんなさい..." he whispered as more tears streamed down his face.

The costumes failed to reply.

To forgive him.

Setting aside the macbook, letting the video replay continuously, the song still playing in his earphones, he got out of bed and walked over to his costumes.

They symbolized the programs themselves and he felt like the least he could do was say goodbye properly.

He lifted a hand and ran it gently over Otonal's ruffles - greatly reduced from the first outing - and stones.

"ありがとう、オトちゃん..." he whispered. "Sorry for messing with the layout and ruining what you were supposed to be..."

He carefully inserted it in one of the black covers all his costumes were stored in, and put it inside his closet.

He took a deep breath but still broke down as he turned to Origin.

This costume had felt like a new beginning when he'd put it on. Unlike anything else he'd ever worn before. That he hadn't been able to do it justice, to make the best of this new beginning, it hurt more than he could ever put in words.

"本当にごめん..." he sobbed, caressing the fabric. The roses and beading Satomi must have spent so much time on. The butterflies almost brought him to his knees.

He had to grab the costume and hug it. Wondering if he'd ever dare wear it again.

He'd failed Otonal and Origin. And this failure hurt worse than losing any competition.

But it was killing him.

Trying to do the programs - their images in his head - while also trying to win, was killing him.

He had to give them up. He knew it was the only option, or he wasn't sure he'd make it to the end of the season. If the physical and mental exhaustion didn't get to him, the depression would.

Forcing himself to let go, he quickly packed away Origin as well.

As he closed the closet door, though, his legs gave out and he crumpled on the hardwood floor, sobbing, Javi's song still in his ears.

_ Son mariposas, sólo se posan _

_ Han decidido que no quieren volar _

Tomorrow, Yuzu would speak to Brian. Tell him of his decision. Discuss what to do next.

But for now, he would mourn one of his childhood dreams and two programs that meant the world to him.

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:  
Que ya no lloro por banderas más  
Que no me canso de quererte soledad  
Que no me digan que juego con el tiempo  
Para volver atrás
> 
> I don't cry for flags anymore  
I don't get tired of loving you in loneliness  
Don't tell me I play with time  
In order to go back
> 
> Son mariposas, sólo se posan  
Han decidido que no quieren volar
> 
> They're butterflies, they only perch  
They've decided they no longer want to fly
> 
> ごめん...ごめんなさい... = Sorry... I'm sorry  
ありがとう、オトちゃん... = Thank you, Oto-chan (Oto-chan is what some fans called Otonal and I can imagine Yuzu adopting that)  
本当にごめん...=I'm really sorry


End file.
